Dance Dance
by kakashidiot
Summary: Tres! Don't tread the path of temptation! Sexy AX in plainclothes galore! Can Abel cope? CRACK! RandR!
1. Chapter 1

ummm... what can i say? some sugar high wrote this... i don't know if it's continue-worthy or not... tell me!

-

i don't own trinity blood... sigh... not tres, neither...

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**Dance Dance**

"There's no way we can go in the way we are," Father Wordsworth said sensibly, after looking out the window for five minutes.

"But there's no other option to scoping out Count Von Beregern," Abel argued.

"I didn't say we couldn't go in - only that WE CAN'T go in as we ARE."

A silence.

"Yeah..." the grey-haired Crusnik conceded. "I guess we don't fit in..."

"You THINK?" Leon growled. "I always thought these uniforms were shit. Undercover casuals would be much better -"

"No respect..." whimpered Abel.

"No respect? It's common sense! With these things on," the curly-haired felon yanked on his uniform lapel. "We might as well stamp ourselves on the forehead 'POLICE'!"

"I don't have anything on my forehead," Abel disagreed. "People don't look at me and think 'police'."

"Noooo. They think 'nitwit'."

"WHHHAATTT?"

"Too true..." murmured Wordsworth.

"Oh yeah?" retorted Father Abel. "When they lok at you, Leon-san, they think 'criminal' -"  
"SAY THAT AGAIN!" roared Leon, now nose to nose with his partner.

"Fathers. I would suggest you calm down. Father Leon's blood pressure is rising dangerously and might cause -"

"Hey! Don't treat me like an old man! I'm not the one with grey hair! - And - hey! - stop laughing at me, moron!"

"BOYS!" Sister kate sighed looking around the small rented hotel room with a grimace. Somehow the main AX team had found spots to sit and stand - the fathers: Havel, Wordsworth, Abel, Leon, Hugue and Tres. Squished between Abel and Leon, Sister Esteher hunched, fuming with annoyance as the two older Fathers bickered about stupid little things (in her opinion) over her head. Sister Kate, herself, was uncomfortably floating between a silent Hugue and a thoughtful Havel.

"Getting BACK on topic," growled Esther.

"Ahahaha!" Abel laughed weakly at her sparking eyes.

"Well..." Havel said softly but commandingly.

Everybody stopped to listen.

"I hate loud music."

Everybody blinked.

A pause.

"I'm not going in - not unless there's extenuating circumstances..."  
"Nor I!" Wordsworth agreed. "Count me out."

"Same here," Hugue blinked.

"What we need," Leon said, breaking the resulting silence. "Is a hot chick. That'd surprise 'em!"

Everybody looked at Esther.

"Uh... why me?"

"Well... Kate is transparent -" Wordsworth pointed out. He sighed. "If only Sister Noelle were still here..." He trialed off at the suddenly depressed faces of Havel and Abel.

"Shut up, Wordsworth," Leon barked. "Esther, you'll be fine! You're cute! You're feisty! You're the perfect date - and it'll go okay - especially since Uncle Leon will be there -"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

"NOOO!"

"Oh no, you don't!"

Sister Kate, Havel, Abel and Esther said at the same time.

"What? I'm the perfect choice - I'm the most suave and street-wise - not like the airhead here -"

Abel blinked.

"Eh? Airhead? Eh? Eh? Who's an -"

Looking at the puzzled priest, the rest sighed.

"He's got a point," Hugue said dourly into the silence.

"No. He's just eliminated another candidate," Sister Kate corrected. "We ALL know what Father Leon gets like when he's in a bar with alcohol and girls -"

"Geez! You make me sound like a monster..."

"Absolutely," Esther glared.

"Hey - hey... you called me an airhead," Abel said in outrage.

Everybody sweatdropped.

"He's just getting it now?" Havel sighed.

"Hopeless," Esther slumped down.

"Father Abel," Tres intoned (always serious). "I suggest you reconfigure your circuits - they seem to be faulty -"

"I'm not a monster."

"Maniac -"

"Nymphomaniac."

"Then we have no choice," Havel interrupted the chaos.

Everybody fell silent again.

"There's only one option..."

"Eh?"

"Wordsworth, Hugue and I detest loud music. Sister Kate is transparent. Abel..." Here the priest paused at loss for words.

"Is... stands out - Leon has no control. Esther can go - but she needs a companion, so there's only one option by logical reason -"

Everybody's eyes followed his gaze -

To the stoic Tres.

"T-t-t-tres-san?" Abel stuttered. "Can he do it?"

"WHAT A WASTE! AW! MAN!" wailed Leon.

"Amazing idea," Wordsworth nodded.

Tres blinked.

"This doesn't compute..."

"It's fine," Sister Kate said. "All we need to do is get the right clothes for you and Sister Esther - you need to wear the most stylish clothes to get into a -"

"A club like that," finished Esther, trying to hide her worry and act like a tough girl. "We can do it, Tres-sempai!"

"Affirmative."

_Was there a note of puzzlement in the robot?_

-

_How hard can it be to get into a Dance Club?_


	2. Dress Up

I don't own Trinity Blood.

WARNING! EXTREME CRACK!

**THANKS TO ALL WHO REVIEWED! **

once i get the time to reply individually i will! i've just been in a hurry to post this! (sweatdrops!) I hope you like this!

READ AND REVIEW!!!

**

* * *

**

Dance Dance

**Chapter 2**

**Playing at Dress Up**

**Location: Ladies Shop**

**Specific Location: Ladies Intimates**

**Time: One Day Later, Early Morning**

* * *

"This is senseless." 

"Hugue."

"Why do we have to be so elaborate? Why can't we just - walk in and -"

"Now, now, Hugue," Havelock sighed. "We've already discussed this."

An uncomfortable silence.

* * *

"This is senseless."

"Eh?"

"Standing here... what for?"

"Hugue, Sister Esther needs a bodyguard in a strange city! We can't leave her to traipse around the markets alone!"

An uncomfortable silence spent staring at a rack of bikini-cut unmentionables.

Hugue looked stoically depressed. Havelock looked stoic. Abel was staring, wide-eyed at the racks, his blue eyes full of amazement and shock.

"Abel-san -" Havelock sighed.

"If you keep doing that," Hugue said dourly, as Abel peered at what looked to be a couple of strings. "You'll be thought of as a pervert..."

Abel gasped, reeling away.

"I'm NOT A PERVERT!!! TREESSS!"

Said Robot was further down the aisle, checking the parameters. Turning at Abel's shout, Tres came running.

"What is the trouble, Father Abel?"

"Father Hugue said I was perverted! Tell him I'm not!"

A silence.

"Father Abel isn't a pervert, Father Hugue."

"I never SAID he was -" Hugue's retort was interrupted by Abel's exclamation:

"Say that with more conviction, Tres-kun!"

"That -"

"Who's a pervert?" asked Leon.

"Father Abel," chorussed Havelock and Tres.

"Ahahahahahahahaha! Heh Heh Heh! Impossible!" Leon's laugh seemed to fill the entire shop. "That airhead?"

"See? Even Father Leon agrees - hey!" Abel pouted. "Who are you calling airhead, you lout!"

"Oooooohho!" Leon shoved up against Abel's slimmer build. "You sayin' something, shrimp-san?"

"I'm not a shrimp!"

"No. You're a nitwit..."

Tension was filling the air.

"Sorry for the wait!" Sister Esther's cheerful voice caught the men's attention. "But I think I found something suitable for clothes..." She gestured at a neatly folded pile of clothes topped with a nice pair of shoes.

"FINALLY!" Abel and Hugue sighed with a breath of relief. Then froze at the sight of Esther's glare.

"We've only been here for one hour," the nun huffed.

"It's fine," Havelock smiled. "What's important is that you got something."

"And I'm sure you'll look so sexy you'll knock everyone over -" Leon added with a leer.

"Sister Esther!" Abel wailed, clinging to his partner's elbow. "This path is too dark for you!"

"But - hey, Abel - don't you want to see her in this?"

Leon held up a particular pair of unmentionable unmentionables.

"WAAAAHHHHH!" Abel's face started to turn a deep red. "My eyes are burning at the perversion!"

"He's hopeless," muttered the Sword Dancer.

Leon laughed.

"You - you're fine with - that?" Abel turned on Hugue.

"Those things are fine in the right time and place," Hugues said calmly. "It is a very common sight to see..."

A pause.

Esther wondered what company Hugue kept.

Havelock was chuckling.

Tres blinked - trying to decide if this information was useless - or - usable at a later date.

Leon was laughing harder than ever at the sight of Abel - who just stood there, fingers twiddling with acute embarassment at the topic.

_Okay then_, Hugue thought with a sigh. _Some people here obviously haven't seen it..._

"At any rate," Esther smiled, feeling a major headache coming on. "I'll go pay for this right away - then we can go find something for Tres..."

"Yes, yes - the sooner we are out of this den of evil, the better," Abel smiled.

"Den of evil?" Hugue sniffed. "Where do you think they are going this evening? Seriously. Am I the only one who's thinking about this?"

"Sorry," Leon said thoughtfully. "We aren't into 'stabbing first, asking questions later'. Although... it can be fun..."

"Sister Esther, are your funds adequate?" Tres asked as she made her way over the counter.

"It's okay, Father Tres," the young nun smiled, her brow wrinkled with worry.

* * *

"You have been performing adequately, Sister Esther," Tres said fifteen minutes later as he led his smaller companion across the road to the Men's Shop. "I am sure your disguise will be effective as well."

"Thank you, Tres-san..." Esther weakly smiled. "For the (_sort of_) encouragement. But it's them I'm more worried about..."

She sighed as she nodded at Leon who was holding up a thin sleeveless shirt to Abel's chest (much to the Krusnik's consternation).

"F-f-father Leon! Aren't they undershirts? They look rather thin..."

"What? It's cool to wear these!"

"I don't think these kinds of shirts are my -"

"Naw..."

"Ah! You see reason..."

"This blue one would look better..."

"Father HAVELOCK! Save me!"

"Just ignore the idiots," Hugue sighed. "Tres' clothing is more important."

"Hmmmm..." Esther's mental cogs were turning as she looked over the selection of clothing. "Let's try this shirt and... these pants... Tres!"

"Present, Sister Esther."

"I'd like you to try these two on -"

"Affirmative."

"But... wait a sec... This looks a bit too big... what size are you? Do you know?"

Sister Kate's voice crackled from Tres' headset.

"I've got his information ready."

"We are standing by, Sister Kate," the robot intoned.

* * *

In a couple of minutes, Tres found himself esconced in a small dressing room, trying on a set of clothing.

"You've got them on?"

"Affirmative."  
"And how do you they fit? How do they look?"

"..."

"It's okay, Tres. Just come out and show us," Havelock suggested.

Tres emerged. Esther nodded with happiness.

_Who would've thought - a lucky hit on the first try?_

"FATTTHHHEERRR TRESSSS! What are they doing?" Abel gasped at the sight of Tres' get up. "You aren't so little anymore! My kid brother grew up!"

Hugue, Havelock and Leon sweatdropped.

"He wasn't ever your kid..."

"He never was little..."

"It's not the end of the world," Havelock chuckled.

"It IS!" Leon wailed. "That we are sending a robot into a club - with such clothing - when he has zero social interaction skills!!!! Am I the only one who sees something seriously wrong with this?"

"There was something seriously wrong with the whole mission," Hugue muttered. "If I had my way..."

"What's wrong is his clothing," Abel announced. "It looks HORRIBLE! No... dangerously... immoral... Little Tres is going down the path of temptation! He's turning into a -"

"What's wrong is that we are infiltrating instead of annihilating..."

"Hugue..."

"A - a - er, ahem... -companion- robot!"

"You mean sex-bot?" Leon grinned at Esther and Abel's shocked looks.

"Impossible. My programming does not allow any such activities. And there is no location on Earth called "the path of temptation" - that does not compute..."

"Let's go, Tres," Esther's shock had given away to irritation. Her eyebrow was beginning to twitch.

"Roger."

**SLAM!**

Esther and Tres turned at the sound of the dressing room's door shutting rather loudly.

"HEY! Let me out! Father Tres! Save me! I'm trapped!"

Tres looked at Esther, who shrugged.

"Father Leon... why are you holding the door closed?"

Leon winked at the unmovable robot.

"You'll see..."

Tres tried again.

"Father Abel, status report."

"Father Leon's holding the door shut!"

"I ascertained that."

"All I want to do is see Father Abel in plainclothes," explained Leon with a wink.

A sudden silence.

Hugue was smirking.

Havelock had disappeared to make the required payments with Esther.

"Think about it, Tres," Leon pointed out, his voice honeyed with persuasion. "If there was ever need for backup - I packed some plain clothes - but if Abel was needed... And there's festival going on - it wouldn't do to be walking around flapping our ranks in front of foreigners..."

"He has a point," Hugue admitted (very, very, very reluctantly).

"You two go on back to the hotel," Havelock smiled. "Send Wordsworth back."

Tres and Esther nodded and bore their gifts away.

**

* * *

Location: Hotel **

**Specific Location: Men's Suite**

**Time: Late Afternoon**

* * *

Three hours later, the remaining pack of AX agents came back loudly arguing over the merits of leather in comparison to cotton. Especially in the area of pants. 

"They chafe."

"Get a heavier cotton then..."

Abel looked half-excited, half-horrified.

"You were successful in the mission?" asked Tres.

"If you could call shopping a mission..." Hugue muttered, dumping a small bag (his?) on his bed.

"Oh yes," Leon smiled giving the robot a thumbs up. "We're now ready for every contigency. If anything goes wrong in there, we can be ready for backup."

Havelock nodded.

"Father Leon had a point. Father Hugue, Wordsworth and Abel-kun had to get somethings - since it seems their plainclothes wardrobe is sadly lacking..."

"Welll... I wanted to see either Abel or Hugue in a dress..." sighed Leon. "I think we need more girls for a party - but -" He trailed off at the combined glares of the Krusnik and Sword Dancer. "Never mind. Still... I don't think this is going to work. Tres isn't really good at mixing with the ladies... Has he ever been to a party for social reasons? Guard missions don't count."

"I came up with something last night," Professor Wordsworth smiled. He lit his pipe and puffed on it thoughtfully. "Sister Kate, Father Tres and I have been working on it for most of the morning - a sort of programming. I'm going to patent it as 'The Right Word for Every Occasion'-kun!"

**Everyone: ... right...**

"Well... if you say so," Abel adjusted his glasses. "But I hope it works soon - because dusk will be coming soon - so... we should start preparing..."

Esther and Kate nodded.

"Right! We'll go to our apartments and prepare. Father Tres... Here's a list of things you must do. We'll come over to check it out, okay?"

Father Tres nodded.

"Affirmative."

"This isn't going to work..." Leon grumbled.

**

* * *

Location: Hotel **

**Specific Location: Men's Suite**

**Time: Early Evening**

* * *

Watching Tres stride out of the men's bathroom with his hair washed, brushed, styled (by a miffed Hugue, who muttered to himself "just because I have long hair..."), his shoes shining, tight black pants and burgundy shirt accentuating his eyes and lean muscular frame. 

"TRES IS CUTE!" Abel shouted with amazement, hearts in his eyes.

"That... sounds... bad..." Hugue mumbled - but even he grudgingly admitted that Tres was a (delectable) sight.

"Looks good to me," Esther smiled, then blushed as seven pairs of eyes locked on her.

Abel fainted.

----

**NEXT CHAPTER**

"WHAT is she wearing????!!!!!!!!" Abel wailed as he came to.

"Clubbing clothes," Leon grinned. "She's cute! No! Downright sexy!"

"That sounds wrong coming from you," muttered Hugue (but he had to agree too).

_Who knew Sister Esther was so... so... _

"You think it's okay?" Esther asked, twirling around.

"It's EVIL!"

Leon smacked Abel on the back.

"Don't fight it! Just admit to your feelings of -"

"Pervert!"

"Social Clubbing Program Activation Start."

"You're making her feel sad."

"Now, now..."

Esther watched the quarrelling men with irritation.

"Esther-hime, please, I beg you forgive them. I myself must say that you truly have become a beautiful rose in a desert wasteland of boors," Tres flicked his bangs away, his brown eyes sparkling with appealing honesty.

**EVERYBODY:... what the...**


End file.
